Your Republican Uncle Asked Me To Share This With You. He Says It’s Urgent. You’d Better Read It.

Hello fellow Republican Uncle. I have arrived at Facebook to Educate you (No B.S.!) about Sneaky Joe and his ragtag gang of Radical Leftist Dickensian street urchins. They are the worst. They are the opposite of Valhalla. They are like having three balls. They keep stealing my turnips and waking me up at night with their synchronized finger snapping tournaments and I hate them for these and additional reasons.

I will now say what these additional reasons are.

They air attack ads against me even though I am not running for office. They constantly email me spooky pictures of the fiend Dracula before during and after Halloween. Sometimes they disguise their dread machinations with a beguiling headline for their email such as ‘Good pictures inside!…;)’ and the gentleman in you does not want to let down a pretty lady emoticon. Then you click it and bam Dracula’s business is now your business. Talk about your ‘fine how do you dos’!

If these were all my problems with Sneaky Joe and his chortling cohorts, I would do what I always do and own them with memes. And they are, but my memes are being done a Liberal Suppression upon by my politically correct grandson, who feels so owned that he refuses to promote them on his podcast or his latest movie, Tenet.

They are also not racist. I can’t think of any way they could be interpreted as racist.

Here is what I need you to do (fellow patriot Of Liberty [We, The People]): Go undercover at Sneaky Joe’s house disguised as a reporter (Sneaky Joe lets the media wander into his house at all hours of the night they’re such good friends) and secretly record him telling you what his big weakness is and maybe get him to show you his butt?? Return with the audio recording of him doing either. Do this once a week every week until the election.

You may be worried this is a sin. It’s not. Look it up. It’s not in the Bible. We’re kosher.

Please report back to me when Joe Biden sends you an autographed picture of him in Islamic prayer gear that reads ‘God is the enemy of Allah, great job!” In the meantime, I’ll be off threatening to commit acts of domestic terrorism without realizing it.

Sincerely,

Darius Immanuel Grouch III, AKA The ‘Rumble’(!)

P.S. Help fight the war on handouts TODAY by joining my Patreon and getting a FREE .PDF of the latest in my John Large Chronicles, John Large IV: Oblivion In The Inferno, which contains an EQUALLY FREE preview chapter from John Large V: Mystery Of The Druids.

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