There are roughly 145 things most Christians assume is in the Bible, but isn't. And many of them are (1) within the first 50 or so pages, (2) extremely unambiguous and blatant, and (3) involve an important theological point they definitely should know, but don't.

It's funny: Your stereotypical angsty teenage/Reddittor atheists, especially really young ones who are just discovering the liberating joy of rebellion, are so proud when they spot plot holes in the Bible, as if it's some incredible feat of critical insight, when in reality the first page of the Bible is God creating the universe twice in a row without any explanation.

And then Cain murders Abel, reducing the population of the entire human race by 25% with a rock, but despite his parents being the only other human beings on earth, he still has better success with girls than me.

Then, around six or seven pages later, we arrive at Sodom and Gammorah, a story that's about 3 or 4 paragraphs long and makes zero references to homosexuality.

THEN, fast-forward to the New Testament, to Christ's trial. Pontius Pilate asks Christ if he has anything to say. In Matthew, Mark, and Luke, Jesus says nothing, and the crowd is "amazed" by his silence. In John, Jesus launches into this massive exposition dump, and the crowd is "amazed" by his long speech.

There is absolutely no way to reconcile these accounts. They can't both be true at the same time.

Oh, and that badass War In Heaven? That introduces the ultimate villain, a mad angel named Lucifer who attacks God, is renamed Satan, and cast down into Hell to become the eternal enemy of mankind? You know, the absolute coolest thing in any religion ever?

Yeah. None of that is in there. At all.

But that doesn't deter Christians from assuming it is, then telling you this book they never bothered to read is "the most important thing in my life."